I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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