9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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