I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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