I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
