white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
