i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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