Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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