I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
