you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
