what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
