It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
