Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
