is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
