You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
