I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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