I'm really into asian looking animals
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am naked and annoyed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
