I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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