Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
