Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize