Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Less talking, more tequila
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
