words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
