I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
