Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my being single is dangerous.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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