i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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