Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
