I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
