So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
