I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize