i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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