I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
love makes seman taste better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
