I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
