So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
