She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
