do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
