she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
