I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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