So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
