If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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