were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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