Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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