1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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