that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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