She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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