Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my poor anus
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
