he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
