What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
