you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
