the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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