So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
