He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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