Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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