You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
