She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize