Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
