As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
