you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
