Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
