Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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