I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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