What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
