Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
