That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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