You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
