if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
