I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
