ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
