There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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