fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
