I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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