would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
