We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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