i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
