I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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