Who did Billy Mays play for?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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