I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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