I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
