Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
