I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
