this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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