Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
