I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize