Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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