you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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