what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
