I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
