I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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