do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
