i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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