my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
