Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dick very happy bro
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
