4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
