She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
