She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
