I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
