I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
