I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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