Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
