You were right. It hurts to walk today.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
