I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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