Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
