Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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