put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
