she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't deserve a penis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
