How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize