So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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