Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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