I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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