my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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