I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
